Consequences 

Lately, I’ve noticed people driving around with road rage. They will honk their horns, throw their hands in the air, and even use a few choice words. This has led me to think, what if that person whom I have done this to or has done this to me, is my future boss or whom I’m the boss of? What if I’m single and flip off my future in-laws or maybe even my minister, but don’t know it’s him until he turns his head? What if this person is a future professor? 

Can you imagine the outcome of an interview? And what if AFTER you’re hired your manager finally realizes you were the person who caused distress to him on the road during the most miserable day of his life!! What if your minister preaches a sermon about, patience and ties it in with road rage and uses you and an example? Embarrassing. I don’t know about you, but I’d cover my head, sink in my seat and slip out for a while until no one remembers. 

Scripture speaks about your sins finding you out. Sins, even after you have asked forgiveness have consequences. Before you begin to argue…think of this. Two young permiscious people have unmarital sex, she gets pregnant…just because she asked for forgiveness does not mean now there is no baby. Same with other things. Being permiscious can lead to sexual diseases. Even asking for forgiveness you have the consequences of your actions. 

Don’t let the consequences of road rage or impatient driving be on your front door.

Identity Crisis

Until you experience the same monthly concerns I’ve experienced since I was 11, until you can push a baby out of your own vagina, you are just a man playing dress up. Putting on a dress, other feminine clothing, wearing make up or dressing yourself up makes you as much of a woman as my putting petals on my body and calling myself a flower. Am I a flower because I ‘identify’ as one? That is the same as you dressing up as a woman and saying you “identify” as a woman. You were born with male parts, not female. So, you are a MAN, NOT a woman. You can be offended all you want about this. I’m offended too. Because you are pretending to be a woman, but have never experienced true life as a real woman. A real woman has a vagina, she bleeds and most have pain monthly in their fertile years. A real woman has hot flashes and chills, experiences menopause. A real woman knows the struggle of not feeling a beautiful or pretty as other females. A real woman knows that after giving birth her body changes and will never be the same again. Women breastfeed their children, men are not ‘Designed to breastfeed. 

So, I’m offended that YOU want to take my experiences of womanhood and lay claim to something you know nothing about. Does (without education) putting on scrubs, a stethoscope, and a mask make you a doctor? Can you be a doctor just because you identify as one? 

Now, as a person, I care about you. I care about everyone and sometimes it’s difficult, but I try. If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t be honest with you, I’d allow you to continue down a path that leads to destruction. You can shout out scriptures at me and I can show you the entirety of the passage how it was meant to be, not what it has been twisted to be. 

Scripture says, a man should dress as a man and a woman dress as a woman. The creator of heaven and earth didn’t make a mistake when he assigned us our genitalia. Re-evaluate your life and follow the ways of YHWH.

Judgemental Thinking

Growing up in a church I was always told to wear your “Sunday” best because afterall, you are dressing in your best for Jesus and you don’t want to give him less than your best. Then as I grew more in my faith and began to really start paying attention the words of JUST AS YOU ARE captured me. We are called to come to the feet of Christ just as we are. On our own we are nothing, our righteousness is filthy as rags. So, no matter how much of an awesome person I am here on this earth, without Christ it is all done in vain and for nought/nothing. When everything boils down to it, it’s meaningless. 

When going to places after church I would see people out and about and not dressed up. So, I thought they were no church goers, sinners, going to hell. I would ball and cry because I assumed they were lost and didn’t have a relationship with God. I would pray while crying asking God to save them, open their eyes, ears, minds, and hearts to truth. 

Several years later while on unemployment and seeking the Bible for truth and asking God to open my heart and show me His truths. He truly has and is continuing to do so. Now that my eyes have been open, notice I said MY EYES have been opened, I understand how I was in the wrong. I was judging people because they were not wearing what I expected them to wear, believer or not. So, publicly I’m asking for forgiveness. As I continue to grow in many aspects of this life, I’m sure I’ll be posting public apologies as I learn more.

We can’t allow ourselves to get hung up on stupid little things and most of all, we are to be careful when judging others. The verse, judge not lest he be judged has been twisted left and right for the past 30 years! Scripture does say, we are to judge righetously other believers. If a believer is not following God in obedience then we as believers are to let them know the right way, in love. Paul says if we see another sinning we are to approach them. If they continue in sin, then we bring another individual in to this matter and we pray for this person, encouraging them to follow in obedience. If they are still in sin, they are then brought before the congregation where it is decided if they are excommunicated from the church. 

Yes, all sin is sin, but when one decides to turn 180 degrees, repent, and walk away from their sin they are forgiven. If one decides to stay in their sin then how can they be free from sin? If God is HOLY and no sin is in Him and no sin in heaven, how do we expect to live in sin or even CONTINUE to sin and expect to be with God in all eternity? That is contradictory to Him, His character, and His Word. 

The judging I had done was unrighetous because it was based on what people were wearing. For this, I’m truly sorry. 

For Jacob

Well Jacob, it is almost mothers day and although it’s been nearly a year I still think of how joyous it would be if you were here right now. You’d be learning how to walk by grabbing on to everything in sight or you’d quickly be crawling over to the guinea pigs and having your own conversations with them. Life would have changed from how I know it to be. I’m trying to give you a sibling, but …. it’s not quit working out. Were you my only chance to conceive? 

Some people don’t understand my sorrow, but there are many that do. At least, I’m not alone my precious one. You are with the creator and I hope I’m making you happy and proud. I’m sure you’ve probably been disappointed with some of my actions, I’m not the perfect person, but I’m trying. Love you my angel.

Love Your Mom.

Golden Rule still applies

When people are faced with individuals who have an answer for everything or always questioning, or making the person look bad in front of others or themselves, those people will only speak to those individuals with much limitation. To be proactive on team projects, these individuals should be cautious in their responses to not diminish others in front of their peers. This could be detrimental to the development of a successful team and team environment. 

As individuals we need to step back and take an inward look at ourselves and make sure we are as kind to our peers as we would want them to be toward us. This being said, not everyone gets along with everyone, but you can still be kind in your words and deeds. No one is given a free pass to act like a jerk to others. Remember the golden rule? Do into others as you would have them do into you. This applies in many areas of life, personal, college, public places, even work. So, the next time you decide to use your words, whether written or verbal, to attack someone, make them look like they have no idea what they are speaking about in front of others, demeaning them, think….do I want this done to me? Will this help build and benefit the team I am working on? Always keep in mind, the client pays attention to the team dynamic and if they are getting their money’s worth. If you are hindering the team from growing, what are you doing? 

Be kind, be thoughtful, and still be courageous with kindness going before you.

Been A Long Time

Wow, I must admit I can’t believe it has been over a year and 1 month shy of a year that I had the miscarriage and began seeing a counselor. As expected, life has had it’s ups and downs, roller coasters with twists and turns, ins and outs, but most of all, I am finally through the hard part. 

This year alone has taught me about myself, my dreams, my life, my faith, and my love. Once again, I stepped outside of me to see what was happening around me, as well as being mindful of everything going on, being in the moment. I must say, it took me a long while to get here, but I did. Do I stay here? Nope, I continue to move forward trusting YHWH has me in his hand, guiding my every footstep, thought, everything. 

Finally, I am happy about where I am in my life again. The deep hole I was in, is behind me and I continue to walk forward, no, stride forward to my next destination on this journey.

It Would Have Been..

​It would have been almost time for you to be born. You would have been positioning yourself to come into this world. I would have been feeling your movements inside my body.

It would have been almost time for me to hold you, stroke your hair, stroke your hand and kiss your cheek. 

Almost time for me to smell the new baby smell and hold you tight. 

It would have been almost time for me and your daddy to wake up in the middle of the nights to feed you and make sure you are taken care of. To rock you back to sleep. 

It would have been almost time for so many more wonderful things for you and for us. 

But it isn’t almost time. You have been gone for 7 months now. You are no longer with me, but I am still in agony. I lost my smile, my joy when you left and I still don’t know where to find it. I don’t want to replace you, because you are not replaceable. You are still my first child. 

Although, I haven’t gotten to know you as I wish I could have you are still my little guy and forever shall you be.