We Never Know

Today after dropping my husband off at the metro so he can go to work, I had many different things go through my mind that I have been wanting and needing to do to help through the grief. The first thing I did though was to go to the coffee shop near where I used to work. I got a coffee and breakfast. Normally I hurry myself and take my items to go, but this time I stayed and enjoyed a peaceful morning without having to worry about everything else. However, I did research what it means to be a submissive wife and how to be under my husband’s authority. Being a strong independent individual, I am able to sustain myself without a mate, but I love my husband and couldn’t imagine life without him. For the past several months we have been having same thoughts and completing each others sentences. This is a wonderful level of intimacy we are able to share. There is nothing in the world like your significant other knowing what you are thinking before you say it. He is my world.

After breakfast I called the hospital and asked to speak with someone in authority. Finally I am ready to speak with someone in a position to review my experience in their care and hopefully handle this. Considering my call was forwarded to an answering machine, I left a message. While on the phone with my company to find a counselor to speak with about the grief and trauma I had gone through, the customer service from the hospital called and left a message. After setting myself up with a counselor, I called the hospital customer service and explained what happened and where this has left me today. She apologized and is going to help me out. She explained to me that the hospital is going through training their staff on how to have compassion towards their patients and be more sympathetic by not looking at us a bodies, but people with emotions. Personally, this is a grand step in the right direction for me.

My love for my heavenly father extends beyond any words or human emgriefotions that I can express. But my heart still asks, why? Why did I have to experience this? Is it so I can help someone in the future who has a miscarriage? Was it so that I can share with the hospital my experience so they can see where they need to make corrections before something more horrible happens in the future?

We never know why we are where we are or even the purpose of what we experience. But at least we know, we are not alone, we have a loving heavenly father who watches over and protects us, and that everything is going to be okay. Maybe not today and perhaps not tomorrow, but eventually we will be fine.



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