Why did you leave?
I feel a loss,
You were in my womb,
Now you are not,
Each night my heartaches and soul cries.
Why did you leave
You didn’t even get to say goodbye,
At night when your father is sleeping I am deep in my cries.
You hurt my heart when you left,
But I am aware it is not our fault.
It is just something that happened,
But the pain still remains.
Things happened that day you left me,
Things that can never be undone,
Things that have left my mind very numb.
Numb to how life used to be before I knew you were in my womb,
Numb to a life full of love and laughter,
Between me and your father.
My love for him still runs very deep,
But there is pain and it is not his fault either.
Since you left I feel unworthy to be the mommy,
Of another baby.
Your daddy has been so good to me,
So very kind and loving,
But I don’t feel like I deserve his love,
Since the day we parted ways.
Why did you leave me?
What did I do?
Was I not a good mommy to you,
While you were still yet in my womb?
It is difficult to focus at work now because in the silences I am thinking of you.
What did I do, why did you leave me?
I have been pushing down these feelings and avoiding them for several months
Only to have them creep up on me all at once.
You were my little angel, my little love,
You still are, but now you are in heaven above.
Will I ever be better?
Will I ever get back to me?
Maybe one day, I will understand why you had to leave me.
I wish I could get pass this pain,
I wish I could get pass this hurt.
My heart is aching and my mind is still numb,
But I am sure you would want me to go on.
Go on with my life,
And live a life worth living,
Share with others and help them through,
When they to don’t know what to do.
There is so much I wanted to share with you,
So much we wanted to do,
Maybe, one day our dream to meet you will come true.
I love you my little guy and I always will,
But this struggle mommy is going through is very painful and real.
She hopes to be better soon and hopes she can move on,
So she can be the mommy that you can be proud of later on.
Mommy is trying to relax so she can be healed,
She needs to give you to Yahweh and rest in him as well,
Mommy will always love you,
And this truth will never be concealed.
You were my first,
No one can take your place,
Someday I hope we can embrace.