Peekaboo

We are raised to trust you, but you hurt me deeply. You took my insides and turned them completely. I don’t even know who I am at the moment and wonder if I will be back to me. But you took that tool and jabbed deep inside of me. I was already feeling like a failure as a wife, but at least I had something good on my side. But you took that from me, because I won’t let him touch me. I cry and withdraw myself into tears and this may not be fixed for years. Now I’m older in age and nearing the end of my baring years. My heart has always desired to carry children of my own, but you stole that from me in this moment. Who knows now if it will ever happen? My heart is so distraught with sharpness of pain. I’m supposed to trust you, but now being near you drives me insane. Your industry lies to us and uses us for it’s gain. You are supposed to on our side and protect us from harm and sometimes even ourselves. Your skill and knowledge has come so very far, but we are mere guinea pigs as far as you’re concerned. When I say to you that I’m in pain and hurting you are supposed to stop and find out why, not shut me up and continue doing what you were doing. I am able to let you know what is painful to me and how it impacts me. You may be a doctor, but you are not in my body and not in my skin. You are supposed to be compassionate, almost a friend. You hurt me, you allowed me to be hurt and shrugged it off like nothing took place. At this moment I am trying to forgive you, I am trying to keep face. My life has been disrupted by what you did and my emotions have been shattered. Putting on a happy face for the world, no longer matters. I’m supposed to trust you, but you cut me deep. How am I supposed to trust you again with my life and well being after this strife? You were so cold, ruthless and cruel with a fake smile, like I couldn’t see through you. I may have lost my child, but I still have my life, you thought I couldn’t see you…. peekaboo.

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