Finally, I can begin to see the light at the end of this long tunnel. I am not quit there, but each day I am gaining more strength and getting close. Old wounds that were open have been healing and getting handled, now I feel like I can get back to who I am and who I am meant to be. There is so much beauty in the world and it is interesting how one-act can change the beauty into ugliness. The light can be easily snuffed out if we are not careful to take care of ourselves.
It takes time to heal and what I have learned is that I will never be OVER what happened, but each day I am gathering more strength to get through it. Of course there are other issues that need to be worked out and this is happening, but I am beginning to feel more gladness and less sadness.
It seemed as though, well, it didn’t seem – it was. Every day I would have this huge bout of sadness and didn’t understand why. I thought I had fixed the issue, that I could go on without facing it anymore, but there were other factors that I didn’t recognize that attributed to the state I was in an am pulling myself out of. There were triggers that I never faced, because I didn’t understand there were triggers. Now I am able to confront these issues and move beyond them with strength from Yahweh and from y friends and family, and let’s not forget my 8 little guinea pigs who love me too. They are so messy, but fun!
I thought I was weak or conceding to weakness if I were to speak with a professional about my needs and darkness that lies deep within. What I now know is it does not mean that I am weak, but I truly am strong. I had gotten to a place where I couldn’t trust anyone and that is not me. Finally, I am beginning to feel truly happy again and smile a real smile.
Finally, I am beginning to see the light.
If you are ever dealing with grief, sadness, or depression, please seek help. If you are not comfortable speaking with a medical professional, like I was, find a group of peers or people who have gone through your experiences to seek out wisdom and counseling. In order to be better that who you are, find someone who is.